Tiny Little Things

When I was a girl, I wanted a dollhouse more than anything (well, maybe not more than I wanted to Millennium Falcon action figure ship from Kenner.)

Not because I liked playing with dolls, although I did my fair share of that, too (including one time burning all the hair off one of my barbies because I tried to use a light fixture as a hair dryer. Don't ask. I was handy with a screwdriver, but not always very foresighted. PS - burning plastic smells terrible. PSS - my parents didn't have a smoke detector and I don't think my mother ever knew that I did that...)

But no, because I was stupidly in love with tiny things.

I'm still obsessed with Tiny Things.

See my on-again, off-again, currently off-again photo project (which I would be More On if I hadn't spent the last 10 months now dealing with chronic illness... it's getting better, I promise, but still...) Tiny T-Rex ...

Part of a card game that I never played

I love miniatures and china figurines. I like snow globes and music boxes.

When I was in high school, I spent a while being crafty -- I wish cameras had been as ubiquitous as they are now, because I don't have any photos of these things -- I built a castle from cardboard and wooden skewers. Working drawbridge and portcullis... if I removed the keep from inside the walls, my cat could sit inside it. (Pretty sure my mother actually does have a picture of Puff inside the castle, but I don't know where it is...)

I also made my own dollhouse, after being denied one for so long. I cross-section cut shoe boxes so they were open to the light, used scrap material as wallpaper and cut and glued together chair-rails and floorboards. I made beds from tall grill matches and paint. I even melted down a candle to dip tiny candles (using floss for wicks) Took me the better part of a year to make out four rooms, two bedrooms, a dining room, and a living room (with built in bookshelves and tiny little books)

this llama came in a matchbox as a set

I also have a stupidly large collection of tiny china figurines that are up on the walls in my office in old printer's trays...

I mostly stopped buying the china figurines in college; for years I didn't have anywhere to display my shelves safely. They've only recently come out of storage... 

But even without collecting china, I've been known to buy other tiny things, just because they're tiny... this is an eraser that I bought on impulse a few years ago. I never do anything with it, it just lives on my desk and sometimes I look at it... little tiny things make me stupidly happy.

it's like a dick, only smaller

And because I do what I do, one of my friends sent me this tiny bag of dicks... 

These days, though, I collect Pop Figures... tons and tons of Pop Figures. If you ever want to get me a present... I don't even care, most of the time, what they're from because they are Sooooo Cute....

Like this lovely one of Harley Quinzel...

Science Fiction, Double-Feature... picture show....

Anticipaaaaaaaaaaaaa









aaaaaaation....

(sorry, had to)

Title: Theory of Love

Authors: Kayla Bashe, Alain Bell, M.D. Grimm, Asta Idonea, D. C. Juris, Dale Cameron Lowry, Lila Mathews, Charles Payseur, Jessica Payseur, Maia Strong, Lynn Townsend, K.S. Trenten.

Edited by Deelylah Mullin

Publisher: Torquere Press

Cover Artist: Kris Norris

Release Date: May 18, 2016

Heat Level: 5

Pairing: both M/M and F/F stories

Length: 80,000 words

Genre/Tags

Romance - Contemporary, Erotic Romance, F/F Romance, M/M Romance

Science Fiction – Hard Science, Romantic, Futuristic

Synopsis

In Theory of Love, we wave our geek flag high! Tales from deep space, sci-fi realities, technology, academia, and cosplay are brought together in this collection. In Dale Cameron Lowry’s Far From Home, long-distance spouses fan the flames of passion while fighting to save humanity. Meat Space by Lynn Townsend, brings virtual space and the real world crashing into a new reality. Asta Idonea’s Captive shows us that love can form in any manner of situations. Beta Tester by Charles Payseur immerses the reader—and the characters—in a virtual reality that brings a friendship to a whole new level. K.S. Trenten’s A Symposium in Space, love is a different meal to every guest. Unexpected Dilemmas by Jessica Payseur long-distance lovers face hijacking and natural disaster to be together. Kayla Bashe’s Medic to the Hivemind a stranded student is saved by a mysterious voice with secrets. Being Jake by Lila Mathews shows readers that smart is sexy. In D.C. Juris’ Torn Apart, love provides the will to survive. Shattered Space by Alain Bell shows how love can grow from destruction. Maia Strong’s All ‘Ships May Sail connects cosplay, fandoms, and something more. Trash and Treasures by M.D. Grimm gives us a deal made in interstellar space that could be more than either party bargained for. In theory, love is easy.

Excerpt

From Trash and Treasure by M.D. Grimm Some of the coldness left Ronan’s eyes. He seemed confused again. Why did Tucker seem to confuse Ronan so much? Then it happened. Ronan nodded. “Deal.” Tucker barely stopped himself from gaping again. It worked? He was going to have sex? He was going to have sex! He didn’t let himself think about how long it had been since his last partner. It would only depress him. He knew what to do... mostly. Tucker tossed the ball underhand to Ronan, who caught it with a startled expression. “What?” Tucker said. “It’s not like you can go anywhere. Your ship’s caput and even if you tried to hack into my navigation system, you wouldn’t get far. My ma designed it and she was the best there was. Just letting you know in case you had a thought of bashing me over the head and commandeering my ride." Ronan looked insulted. “I would never do such a thing. I am not a thief or vagabond.” “Then what are you?” Ronan’s mouth pulled into a thin line. Tucker shrugged. “Fine. Keep your secrets. Come on, follow me. Let’s both take a well-needed shower.” A blush suddenly crept up his face. “I mean, a shower separately. Let’s take a shower—oh, never mind. Just come on.” He turned his back on Ronan and called himself an idiot. He dearly hoped he wasn’t making a huge mistake. But he wouldn’t go back on it now. He really, really wanted to have sex.

Purchase

Torquere Press

Giveaway

Rafflecopter Prize: One winner will be selected to win an eBook copy of Theory of Love

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~~~~~

Going Bats!

Back at Halloween, my second anthology with Coming Together was released. Coming Together: Strange Shifters, is a collection of erotic short stories featuring shifters of another sort.

Werewolves, like vampires, are the monsters of the moment, and probably much like you, I was getting a bit tired of them. Surely there were other shape-shifters in the world that could use some love.

A few years back, I read a really cut novel that featured a were-Chinchilla... as the fur-mommy of two adorable chins, myself, I found the writer's portrayal of the sometimes human / sometimes Chinchilla to be just spot on. The character had a lot of the personality traits that I see in my boys, and it was just an all around great read.

So I started seeking out other shifter books; harder than you might think, altho I did come across a few.

As I've been told several times: If you can't find the book you want to read, write it.

~~~~

There are a lot of great charities, and I work with several of them, donating time, or money, or both... One of the ones I'm particularly fond of is Bat World Sanctuary. I stumbled across them on Facebook, started following the page, and fell in love with the little creatures there, and the people that help them out.

I've always been fond of bats -- someday I'll tell you a funny story about my grandmother and trying to get a bat out of the lake cabin -- and thought they were misunderstood creatures.

So I wrote to Bat World to see if they'd want to receive the donations from our collection of smutty stories. Because their Facebook page is considered family friendly, they can't really advertise our book, but they have a burlesque group that does a fund-raiser for them once a year... and that decided me... We'd support Bat World...

And a few weeks ago, I got two of these little babies in the mail as thanks for our donations and time... isn't she cute?

So, I have a signed copy of Coming Together: Strange Shifters (signed by Nickie Jamison, Elizabeth L. Brooks, Lynn Townsend, and T.B. Bond,) as well as one of these little batty babies to give away.

So, leave a comment on this blog. Leave a comment on my blog, "like" me on Facebook, follow my Amazon profile, or follow me on twitter (Let me know on my Facebook page, or in your comments that you did these things -- sometimes they don't notify me.) between now and April 1st, and you'll be entered to win... you'll get an entry for each one of these tasks!

Very Small Cat; Very Large Give-away

 So... We finally got a new cat.

After we lost Grendel, back in May, I had kinda a downswing with my depression. 2015 has sort of been the year of death by 1,000 paper cuts (or in my more angry moments, I call it the year of "Fuck You!") My blog post on depression, Last Chance, seems to have struck a chord with a lot of people. In the week since I wrote it, it's become the third-most read entry on this blog of all time, behind my two different calls for submissions (if you haven't gotten your story to me, Saturday is your deadline!!)

Mostly everything's been mostly medium-sized fuckery and not anything completely life-wrecking or (like in the cases of the severe illness of a dear friend's father, who I love a lot, the death of my cousin's husband, and the death of my cat) nothing I can change, but they've been constant.

Broken glasses, broken teeth, unexpected bills (I forgot that buying a new car would mean that we'd actually have to pay a personal property tax that had some bite to it, rather than just the $30 or so a year we pay to have a 22 year old car), work problems, friend drama (break ups, new boyfriends, stuff like that, some of it's not bad news or anything, and it doesn't directly affect me, aside from you know, loving and caring about my friends, but it can still be tiring.) vet bills for our cat that died, the dentist double-billing us, flat tires...

If you've read my story in Family Time, Cascade Failure...

That's the kind of year we're having. Nothing's unendurable, nothing's catastrophic. Just little to medium sized problems, constantly. It's more than halfway through the year and I'm ready for it to be next year.... just, oh, my god.

So, yeah, new cat.

Kitten, actually. He's about 10 weeks old and we've named him Oreo. (My fault. The shelter named him Noodles, which none of us liked as a name, and I was throwing ideas out there randomly, and when I said Oreo, the husband said "so, if he gets fat, can I call him Double-Stuff?" which set me and the childthing laughing, so Oreo it is...)

And after a chest cold and getting his bits snipped, he's home...

Which leads me to the contest / sell-a-thon thingie...

Our old cat was, aside from being old, always very calm. Grendel didn't play, he didn't climb, he didn't... do much of anything, really. Every once in a blue moon, he'd attack the shadow of the ceiling fan in the kitchen. Other than that, he ate, he slept, he tolerated affection with a certain amount of "I can see the floor, can I get down now?" Which means our house is NOT very ... childproof? I guess might be the best word.

I've spent the last two days moving things and attempting to teach the kitten not to climb on kitchen counters, the dining room table, into the trash, etc, etc, and trying to move things from "if this gets knocked over it will break" to "when this gets knocked over, it'll make a mess."

Oreo has staked out a spot on my desk where he now likes to sleep when I'm working that's surprisingly not in my way, and to encourage this behavior, I cleared the spot out so that it's nice and comfortable for him.

Unfortunately, this is right where all my contributor copies were. (he shoved several of them out onto the floor until I cleared the space)

I moved them, but now they're cluttering up my regular bookshelf in stacks and I don't have really a good place for them. So...

I'm going to sell them.

If you want a book, they will cost $10 per paperback with $5 for shipping and handling, no matter how many books you order. This is between $2 and $6 less than their normal retail price... 

--Disclaimer: I am probably not making money on this. What people don't always know is that indie writers seldom get more than 1 or 2 copies of a book as part of their contracts and some companies don't give away contributor copies at all. Sometimes, depending on the company, we can get more books for a 40 - 60% discount for the purposes of selling them at trade shows or cons. I'm not saying this to complain, I want people to know why I'm not giving away 30 paperbacks.... (also, why I want to smack people who ask for free books...)
--For those who care, I did not buy the Coming Together books at discount; I paid full retail price for them, so all royalties that go to charity have already been paid to those charities.

Now, if you're interested in these books, I am having a contest for people who purchase now...

1 copy of Blood Sight

1 copy of Howling Bitch

9 copies of Blues

1 copy of Roll

5 copies of London Steam

1 copy of Coming Together: Among the Stars

1 copy of Coming Together: Pro Bono

1 copy of Coming Together: For the Holidays

1 copy of Encounters

2 copies of Family Time

1 copy of Marked Man

1 copy of Sexy Librarian's Big Book of Erotica

1 copy of Cupid's Chokehold (out of print and unavailable anywhere)

4 copies of Whetting the Appetite

1 copy of Ladies of Steampunk Magazine, Vol 1

All books will be signed by me (and if you order Whetting the Appetite, I can probably get Elizabeth L. Brooks to sign it, too)

In addition, if you buy a book, you'll be entered to win a Grand Prize -- a Vin & Beau tote bag, a USB drive which includes e-copies of ALL my current books to date, (which will include a copy of Classic!) and a $10 gift card to Amazon / Barnes and Noble / JMS books or Torquere Press.

(~$100 value, give or take...)

You will get one entry per book purchased!

I will keep this contest open until I either sell all the books (titles on a first come, first served basis, and I will post when books have sold) or until September 2.

I accept payment through personal check, Paypal or Cash app. You can comment on this blog, email me at lynntownsend (dot) writer (at) gmail (dot) com or Facebook me or bother me on twitter, or use the donate button at the top left of my blog to send money and I'll email you from there. (What I'm saying is, I'm easy to get in touch with!)

Yeah, I talk. A lot.

Update time and contest, yay. (Tl:dr Go down to the bottom of the page if you're just here for the contest...)

I'm doing a crapton of stuff (that's an English crapton and not a metric crapton) so I'm going to throw a bunch of stuff on the page and walk away, okay?

First; I have all edits back for Coming Together: Among the Stars, and I've started the final layout and read through process. I hope (yes, I will) to have it done by November 1st for send-off to the publisher. All typos and mistakes remaining after this time are totally my bad, because this is my first time editing something, and I'm mildly less qualified for it than I should be, what with having a degree in lit and all...

Starting Monday the 20th (that's next week) I'll be featuring different authors from my collection here on the blog; all of my authors are wonderful and I can't wait for you to meet them...

I am also talking to the International Still's Disease Foundation and having them tell you a little about what the money we raise for this project will be going for. As always, Coming Together is smut for a good cause.

Speaking of which, I recently got accepted into Coming Together: Pro Bono. This collection will be raising money to benefit Dear Author's legal fund with the kerfluffle that's going on with Ellora's Cave. There's a lot of bad shit going on in my circles, and I only have direct confirmation from one author - who is dealing with too much shit to get involved in this right now - so I won't say more, but if you want, there are plenty of places to read about what's going on there.

For me, the Dear Author vs EC is particularly important because I don't believe a publisher should try to silence a blogger/reviewer when someone is calling them out on their bullshit. There has to be a check and balance situation in place. Writers are - unfortunately - treated as commodities by a lot of publishers who know (note that I am not denying that this is the case) that there will always be more writers willing to be exploited for someone else's profit on the whole "exposure" and "excitement" line.

The story accepted into this anthology is one of my first ones out the door, On the Fly, which was previously published in ReadErotica Vol 3. There will be a print edition, for those of you who like to hold your books and smell them. (People keep telling me books smell. I... guess my nose isn't that good.) I don't want anyone to make a mistake; this is a reprinted story! But there will be a ton of other really fantastic writers in the collection with me, so you should probably buy it anyway....

Other news

A reprint of Go Down with the Ship will be available from JMS Books, LLC in their Hot Flash line, short stories on October 19th. This story is still available in the Whetting the Appetite collection, so if you bought that, you don't need to rebuy Go Down with the Ship. If you want to get a little taste of the collection before you buy Whetting, this is a good opportunity to do so.

That being said, for the next few months, you can get Whetting the Appetite at a 20% discount from JMS Books with the code WHET. Also, this collection will be available in print some time in the next few months; I don't have an exact date yet. So, there's that.

On the same line, Room for Dessert, which is a lesbian / adultery story, will also be available from JMS as a stand alone

Further further of interest: My London Steam series, (Shadow of Kenfig, The Blister Effect and Synchronous Rotations) previously published by Torquere Books and currently out of print, will be re-issued with a new cover and some previously unreleased material (about 5 - 7,000 words, not quite sure yet, I'm still tweaking. I must finish tweaking by Nov 16th. Argh.) as a single volume in mid-December.

Yes, I know I'm doing a ton of reprints recently; I guess that's what happens when you have a backlist that's gone out of copyright. I dunno, I'm just going with it.

Ripped, another story from Whetting the Appetite, is going to be available as an audio from Quiver and Arch productions, more information as I get it....

I have been involved in preliminary discussions to have Roll released as an audio book as well, more information, again, as I get it.

In Other, Other news:

I should be getting Blues back from my editor on October 26th for my first round of content edits, so I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year, no matter what anyone says, and if you find I am trying it anyway, you have my permission to slap me. November this year is Local Edit Your Shit Month.

I'm almost finished writing Classic, I expect to have that knocked out by the end of the month, if not sooner.

I still have to go through Howling Bitch for a second draft, but I'm on Chapter 10 of 23, so hopefully that shouldn't take too long... I think I fixed most of the broken stuff...

I completely finished editing Marked Man, which is good, since I just got my cover info stuff yesterday and that's rapidly moving into production.

I have a short story that I need to finish by Nov 1st (another 1,500 words or thereabouts.)

When I attended Mid-Atlantic Erotica Writer's Retreat (MEWR), we played Cards Against Humanity. Here's the recording of that evening... for your entertainment. Headphones required, and you probably shouldn't drink anything.

CONTEST

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Blog Touring and Prize Packs

locket / keychain

I have some cool prizes and stuff that I want to give out to celebrate my first full length novel. A couple of lockets / keyfobs (I'll set them up whichever way you want, if you're my winner!) and some stickers, and a custom-made candle scent from Raven Hollow - Cognac and Cigar, which is a very masculine smell.

So, if you want to be entered in the drawings, there are a number of ways to go about it; you can go to any (or all!) of the blogs on my tour and leave a comment...

Starting today, go see what Beau has to say for himself in an interview. V.L. Locey was kind enough to let him ramble along on her blog... (there's going to be a follow up interview with Vin on Elizabeth Brook's page on Thursday! They were really fun to write up, you should decidedly check them out!)

I also have some stickers that I'll be sending out with every prize pack, so if you get a prize pack, I'll ask you if you're Team Vin or Team Beau.

Which means you'll really want to go check out the interviews so you can get to know my leading men a little better...

Another way you can be entered for the prize packs (I'll also be giving away two paperback copies of the book, signed and stickered!) is to go join my Facebook release party - you don't even need to be there for the main event. Just sign up that you're "attending" and you'll be entered to win.


That being said, there are also a few prizes that will be rewarded specifically for commenting, liking, or participating during the night of the actual party. I'll have a few silly things to do - and I'll be live-posting from the BierGarden where I'm having a locals' party to celebrate.

And lastly, if you haven't liked my Facebook Page or are not following me on Twitter, I'll give out extra entries for doing that. (Just "like" or "follow" and then say #TeamVin or #TeamBeau) If you are already liking or following, don't worry, I have something for Previous Fans as well, watch this space for more details!

The End of Your Tour, don't forget your souvenir photos!

So my little blog tour is all wrapped up... thanks to all the wonderful bloggers who hosted me and helped me out.

(There's still about a week before I wrap up the contest, so if you haven't entered, please do so... )

I've gotten to talk to a bunch of wonderful people about stuff that interests me - and hopefully you, dear reader!

If you missed any of the stops on the tour, I'll list them here for your clicking pleasure.

Torquere's Live Journal Blog

Kinzie Rose

Chris T. Kat

Elizabeth L. Brooks

Victoria Chisholm

Sommer Marsden

V. L. Locey

A.R. Moler

So, I hoped you all enjoyed the tour as much as I did... psst, enter the contest, right down there, okay? Okay!



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Your Tour Starts Now

A few months ago, when I was writing up Blood Cries Up, I did a cemetery tour with my friend Greg E (to whom Blood Cries up is dedicated) in Portsmouth, Virginia. (I talk about this a bit more on Torquere's livejournal page)

I love old cemeteries and looking at the gravestones. When we got back to Greg's place, his mom found a copy of her Recording Angel for me, which discusses the "Symbolic Iconography of Victorian Tombstones."

(I adore Greg's parents, if I haven't said so before. They're exceptionally lovely people and I've been very pleased to have them in my life; so much so that I named characters after them. Keep an eye out in the first few months of 2014 for my novel, Roll, for a guest star appearance from Gloria and Lionel.)

This particular stone, for one Richard Cox, aged 77 includes finger pointing upward - guiding the way to heaven, an obelisk, symbolizing eternity and infinity, and a mourning drape, which were used on doors and lintels to let visitors know there was a death in the family. 

The sea shell, to the left of the stone, is a new life/resurrection symbol, similar to Easter Eggs and tend to be more prevalent in harbor towns. (This cemetery is less than a mile from the Craford Bay/Harbor Park area. Quite a lot of shipping goes on in this town at the mouth of the James River.)

* * * * *

For the next 2 weeks, I'll be bouncing around, doing blog tours and talking about my experiences with death, writing this story, graveyards, ghosts, and whatnot.

(It's possible you may have to sign up to be able to see the Livejournal post; if that's the case, I may cross-post that entry here...)

In either case; I'm giving away from Halloween Swag to celebrate this short story, including several of these soy tarts. I have Whipped Pumpkin and Kettle Corn, both from Raven Hollow Candles.

One lucky reader will win a box of Halloween stuff, and four runners up will get a tart with the book cover!

And here's your Rafflecopter form thingie!



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Here, There, and Everywhere

Busy writer is busy!

But here's a round up of some of the guest blog spots I've done... I've got another one coming up on Friday, so really, I should start thinking about a topic, I know.

By the way, if you want to see what I'm up to Right Now, you can always follow me on Facebook... I post there fairly regularly.

In case you've missed them, however, let me give you  sum-up of the guest posts I've been doing.

First, at the Smokin' Hot Fireman blog, I did an article about my grandfather, who was a volunteer EMT and my experiences seeing a house fire right up close.

He [my grandfather] had his definite ideas about things; everyone should know how to swim, how to drive a boat, a tractor, and a stick-shift. You should know how to perform CPR, change a flat tire, and be able to cook a meal, clean up, and how to build a fire. You should stand up straight, read often, and be able to tell a potato plant from a weed. You should be able to sew on a button and how to drive a nail. You should always read the instructions. You should know how to bait your own hook, catch fish, and clean them. And it didn’t matter to him if you were a boy or a girl.

The grand-kids, and there were a gaggle of us, half girls, half boys, called him Poppy.

When he wasn’t farming or swimming, fishing or reading novels, he was a volunteer EMT. Halfway down the stairs, there was a two-way scanner. Middle of the day or middle of dinner or middle of the night, the scanner would make a warbling alert tones and the dispatcher would come on. “Local Peru, local Peru, we have a building fire at…” and Poppy would be out the door, hat in hand. His car—a very normal-looking car in all other ways—had a magnetic fire bubble he would slap onto the roof, plug into the cigarette lighter, and whoop away down the road.

(The grand-kids all loved to fuss about who got to reset the scanner after a call—since if you didn’t remember to press the button, we wouldn’t hear the next call. And woe betide the kid who punched the reset button before the dispatcher was finished with her information. Why yes, yes I did do that, once. Once.)

I stopped by Victoria Blisse's blog a few weeks back, talking about the first time I ever saw a naked man. All things considered, my weird obsession with music might come from this particular event, as well.

Young African-American men would come to wash their cars, listen to their street-music, drink beer out of squat mikey bottles, and socialize with their friends. There was a wide chain-link fence around the wash, and then a very steep hill into my backyard, but this didn’t keep out the noise, the empty bottles, or the young men who needed to take a piss.

As a twelve-year-old girl who honestly hated both types of music available from our local radio station (you had your country AND your western!) I was enthralled. They played motown. And reggae. And rap. And R&B. Music I’d never heard before. No Tiffany or New Kids on the Block, or Duran Duran for them! There was one guy – I never knew his name, but I always knew his car, a 1977 El Camino, dark blue with a light blue stripe – and he played Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Miles Davis and Ella Fitzgerald.

I would lay on the picnic table in our back yard, hands laced behind my head, staring up at the spangled patterns of sunlight through the pink and white petals of the crab apple tree, and just listen.

One hot summer day, I’m out there, a bottle of lemonade that my mom had left in the freezer for me gently melting, pooling condensation against my stomach, when someone crashed through the bushes of the embankment.

And then later, I told the second story at Sarah Jayne Carr's blog. Because you know, if there was a first time for seeing a naked man, the second time could only get more interesting...

So, once a year, I'd spend several weeks at rehearsals, making costumes, learning stage makeup and generally hanging out with other theater geeks. (The rest of the year I hung out with the band geeks, about half of whom were the same people.) One evening, we're hanging out in costumes getting ready to do production photos and a dress-rehearsal. The "professional" photographer is late, so we're all in the green room (which wasn't actually green) or spilled out into the hallway, bullshitting and carefully drinking Dr. Pepper through a straw so we don't mess up our lipstick.

Have you ever stuck a straw in a can of Dr. Pepper? It does not want to be there - the straw, I mean - and will keep sliding upward out of your can. If you're not paying attention, the straw will pop completely out of the can and splatter droplets of soda everywhere.

We're theater geeks. And high school students. And if there's ever been a more concentrated group of dirty minded individuals... wait, scratch that. I've been part of more dirty minded groups...

But we are making bad jokes and generally being obscene....

Finally, yesterday I had a guest slot on Elizabeth A. Lance's blog talking about this, that, and the other. She's a lot of fun to work with and kept asking more and more questions and for more and more information, which was lots of fun to do a really interactive interview. Also, I love all the little cute pictures she picked to represent my interests and quirky habits.

Do you play games? If so what kind? If not, why the heck not?

Would you like my geek resume? I play Star Wars; The Old Republic as my current MMO, but have also played Warcraft, Everquest, City of Villains, Dungeons & Dragons Online, Lord of the Rings Online, Rifts, Pirates of the Caribbean Online, Asheron's Call, Guild Wars...

I also play paper and dice RPGs; including Shadowrun, 7th Sea, AD&D, Vampire, Heroes Unlimited, GURPS, Serenity RPG, various d20 games.

I used to play Collectible Card Games until I came to the realization that my friends were all terrible losers and worse winners and I wasn't having fun, but I do like things like Cards Against Humanity and Fluxx. I'm also a mean cribbage player.

(I also might possibly have a really bad Candy Crush Saga problem)

So, that's what I've been up to. I've also gotten two (2) short stories out and available; Synchronous Rotations from Torquere, and my story, Big Trucks, is out in Smokin' Hot Firemen. As always, my complete library of publications and buy links is here (because I am uber-lazy and I don't want to look all those links up. Again.)



In the meanwhile, I've written most of a New Adult, m/m novel, started a short story, finished WRITING (but not selecting or editing) the short-story collection I'm putting together with my best friend and fellow author Elizabeth L. Brooks, talked to one of my new favorite authors, V.L. Locey about writing the forward for that collection (tentatively titled Promptly Hot.), let some deadlines for short stories pass me by, talked with a company about my urban supernatural romance novel published, and freaked out about various home-disasters (annoying backed up sink is annoying) and national media events, spent some time with good friends, and generally went about pretending that I have a life that isn't entirely conducted inside my head.

Also, apparently I have just a few contributor copies laying around...

And I thought I might give some of them away.

Comment here, or post to my facebook wall between now and July 30th with which book(s) you want: available are Ladies of Steampunk magazine, vol 1, 2 copies of Steamlust, 1 copy of Coming Together: Hungry for Love, 1 copy of Smokin' Hot Firemen (I know there are two copies in the picture, but I mixed the books up before I took the picture and put 2 copies of Duty & Desire on my brag-shelf. This has since been fixed.), 2 copies of Duty & Desire (see above notation), one copy of Lustfully Ever After, and one copy of Cupid's Chokehold.

I'll draw three winners on July 31st and let those winners know on this blog, via email, and on Facebook.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like....

I'm a terrible gardener. I've got a black-thumb. I can even kill cactus and succulents, two kinds of plants I'm told are "damn near impossible" to kill.

So spring time doesn't usually fill me with tons of joy to get out there and dig around in the garden. I've managed to raise a couple pots of cherry tomatoes - at least until the squirrels got hold of them. But mostly, I've just ended up with pots of mulch and dead plant.

But - and here's the wonderful thing about being a writer; I don't have to have experienced something to write about it. I love doing research. I have several SME's (Subject Matter Experts) that I consult for information. And one of my best friends is a research librarian (probably the best friend a writer could have, aside from an editor. Oh, wait! I have one of those, too!) and she's always delighted to help me look stuff up if my research skills fail.

Which is how I came to write a story about a woman who loves her garden. Really, really loves her garden.

Garden Variety Excerpt


The carafe of wine slipped, unnoticed, from Jackie's hand and smashed onto the patio.  Shards of glass and splatters of Chianti barely registered as she stared, gape-mouthed, at the wreckage of her garden.

Before work, Jackie had checked the seedling beans, twining tomato plants, and a few decorative flats of strawberries, and everything had been pristine.  She'd plucked a few weeds from the warm soil, bound up a falling tomato vine, relocated a few bugs, and discussed the latest celebrity news with the attentive bean sprouts.  After a day of manning the phones at East Agency Collections, being called multiple names – as if she were the one who'd run up thousands of dollars of credit card debt and then tried to default on it – and being bitched out thoroughly by her manager, Jackie had been looking forward to a glass of wine, a book of poetry, and the company of her pleasant, non-meddlesome, non-annoying, quiet plants.  As far as Jackie was concerned, plants were much better company than most humans.

Especially now.

All four vertical trellises that Jackie had painstakingly put together herself lay in shattered ruins.  There was potting soil all over the patio.  Her budding garden, lovingly tended, was torn asunder; the plants yanked rudely from their clay pots and shredded.  There was seemingly nothing that could be salvaged.  This was no act of a careless child, not the destruction of someone's dog that had slipped their leash for a few short moments.  This was wanton, cruel desecration.

“Who the hell would do such a thing?” Jackie was barely aware that she spoke aloud, tears of rage and grief spilling over her lower lids.  She turned her head from side to side, as if seeking answers, but there was nothing.  With all the potting soil scattered all over the patio, she would have thought at least that there would have been some tracks, but the earth gave up no trace of the murderer of her garden.

All she saw was one flicker of life, one tiny, tenacious plant that clung to life.

She dropped gingerly to one knee, avoiding the shards of pottery and glass, scooping up the runner bean sprout. She’d bought them just last week – very expensive – from Garden Variety nursery.

“I'll make it right,” she promised.  Jackie pulled together a handful of soil and pressed it into her empty wine glass.  It wasn’t the best solution, but perhaps it would be enough to keep the one plant alive until she was able to get to the nursery.  “I'll make everything all right again.”

“I promise.”

Just not today, she thought as she closed the porch door on her savaged plants.  Maybe things will look better in the morning.

Smootches!

Well, Victoria Blisse is at it again... she of the wonderful Smutty Advent calendar... and now, she's doing a counting kisses contest.

To celebrate kisses (or snogs, or whatever you want to call them) here's an excerpt from my story "Holiday Hours," featured in Milf & Cookies. I have another short story in a Valentine's release from Hot Ink Press, Cupid's Chokehold. (My story there is called "Half the World Away.")

Collin laughingly pushed my hands away when I tried to reach for one of the dinner rolls, tearing it into bite sized pieces and feeding them to me like I was a baby bird. I rolled my eyes at him. Naturally, it was the pie that actually got me into trouble. I was laughing at Collin's description of his nephew's Halloween costume when he offered me a bite of pecan pie, covered in whip cream. I snarfed. And he missed. I took a noseful of whip cream, and sticky pecan down the side of my chin.

"Oh, brilliant," I snorted. "You're a terrible nursemaid." Collin scraped the fork along my chin, catching a dollop of pie filling.

"Really? I get all the way to the end of dinner, and you make me miss, and I'm the one who's terrible?" Collin ate the glop of pie himself. "Hmm. That's pretty good." He leaned in. I knew - from the instant that he'd forked a bite of turkey and offered it to me - that this moment was in the offing. A single quiver, a tightening in my belly that snaked down my thighs and coiled there, waiting, in my groin. I could have pulled back, could have turned it, and nothing would have happened. I didn't. I offered him my pie-smeared nose and cheek, and in those precious seconds, offered everything else.

Collin's tongue slid across my cheek, tasting and teasing. He nipped the end of my nose, sending crinkling tingles down my throat. Under my striped uniform shirt, my nipples peaked with sudden, almost painful intensity. I arched my back, pressing toward him. The scrape of his stubbled chin brushed over my skin, a single rasp, before his mouth came down on mine.

Kissing always seemed to me to be perfunctory, a necessary prelude to whatever sexual adventure was coming my way. Like a preview for a movie, something I didn't really mind too much if we were late to the theater and missed. Not this kiss. Instead of rudely thrusting his tongue into my mouth, prodding and probing, Collin's kiss was a sensual onslaught. He licked at my lips, teased the corner of my mouth, sending shivers along my spine. The tickle of his beard against my sensitive upper lip made me gasp. By the time he plundered the inside of my mouth, I was more than willing, more than ready, and decidedly marking the kiss on my must-see summer blockbusters.

He explored and plundered, tasting and touching. His arms came around me, fingers trailing down to the small of my back, pulling me against him. His breath was hot and heavy and he pulled the air out of my lungs in his eagerness. I surrendered, my hands going up to test the silken glide of his hair, the feel the hard muscles of his shoulders. I leaned against his long frame, feeling every inch of his body against mine.

 Check out all of Hot Ink Press's collections and novels.

Contest Winners

So, I did the drawing for the winner of my Advent Calendar contest; I used a random name-drawing program that I've found on line and used successfully in a couple of other contests.

May the odds be ever in your favor!

First prize goes to

Arely ZPerez 

First prize is an e-copy of Ladies of Steampunk magazine and an e-copy of Coming Together: Hungry for Love.

Runner up prizes go to:

Jan D

and

Renee

Runner up prizes are e-copies of Coming Together: Hungry for Love.

As always if you read and enjoy my work, please take a few minutes to post a review on Goodreads or Amazon.

Thanks so much for participating in my little drawing. Don't forget to go off to the Advent Calendar and see what nifty prizes are in store for you today!


*disclaimer: Winners have been notified by email, but if they do not step forward and claim their prizes by Wednesday, a new winner will be drawn.

On the 8th Day of XXXmas...

Well, hello there.

Welcome!

First off, I'm sure you want to know where your freebies are...


Kindle Readers:

Nook Readers:

Smashwords:

My story included in this collection - and hey! you get all ten stories just for dropping by! - is called "On the Fly." It's a modern setting romantic-erotica piece. The first I'd written in that genre; usually I'm more into sci-fi, fantasy, steampunk, urban supernatural... but I had fun writing it.

The company, PriveCo, puts together these collections of erotica as part of a marketing experiment to sell their main-line product, namely vibrators. In further fact, I could have been paid in vibrators, if I'd wanted to. They offer a base rate for stories or base rate x2. I was... tempted. If for no other reason, being able to say I was paid in vibrators would have gotten cool points.

So, for the grand - prize, I'm giving away an e-copy of Ladies of Steampunk magazine. And an e-copy of Coming Together: Hungry For Love.

Another first, The Ladies of Steampunk story was requested! The Seans, who I've mentioned before, are some really cool guys. They live out in Sacramento and they do steampunk in artistic projects, including boudoir photography for an annual calendar and this magazine and it's sister magazine, Bronze Age, which contains... well, NSFW material! Anyway, I was messing around on Facebook one night and they messaged me and made a pitch to include my work in their premier issue, and that's what I have for you today.

Coming Together: Hungry for Love is a collection of zombie-themed erotic stories. (Note that I didn't say "romance" on there... some of the stories are hothotHOT, but not what I'd call romantic.) The proceeds for this collection benefit the American Diabetes Association, a charity that's near and dear to my heart, as my daughter's best friend (and my best friend's daughter... same girl. convenient, that!) is a juvenile diabetic. Personally, I love zombie stories. (Altho I don't like The Walking Dead. I tried really hard to get into it and I just didn't like the characters. I wanted everyone to get eaten, might have made them decent human beings... go figure.) And I also love Sommer Marsden, who edited the collection.

Leave a comment here, or "like" my Facebook page (or both!) for an entry to win an ecopy of this magazine! It's a gorgeous piece of work, and you'll get a .pdf, full color copy. (If you're already a fan of my Facebook page, and you have problems leaving a comment here - I'm told blogger doesn't play nice with people who have iPhones - then just comment on the Facebook status that includes the links for your freebie stories and we'll call it good)

Grand prize is the Steampunk magazine and a copy of Hungry For Love, and then I have 2 additional copies of Hungry For Love to give away...

Singer/Songfighter

It's the third day of XXXmas and my true love gave to me... one of my favorite people, Kristina Wright - editor of Fairy Tale Lust, Steamlust, Lustfully Ever After, Duty and Desire, Dreamlover and a bunch of other anthologies that I can't think of off the top of my head, as well as some stand alone books and collections of her personal short stories.

Well, no, my true love didn't give me Kristina... that would just be weird. Or the beginning of a threesome bondage piece that I haven't written yet. Hmmmm.

FOCUS! Ok.

Right.

Moving on. For today's advent calendar, Kristina is giving away some stuff. So go check it out, enter to win, etc, etc.


For those of you lovely people who were at my Jonah Knight Creepy Christmas party, and even for those who weren't, but who are curious about his music, I thought I'd post the set list... Some of these are available for purchase at his website, and some are... not yet available in a recorded format (*cries* including Bacon & Beer.) I'm sure if we all winge loud enough, he'll get back in the studio...

Set the first:

Santa Claus is Coming
Time Machine
The Window Frames
Bad Moon
The Krampus
The Ghost in my Guitar
What Christmas Means to Me
The Dead Crawl From the Earth, Alive
Doomed (not available to purchase...)
Once Around the Sun

Set the second:

Sleepy Little Creepy Little Town
Someday We'll all be Ghosts (in particular, I really liked the story he told about this song; "When I started thinking about moving from bar songs and songs about my ex-girlfriend, I told my wife, 'hey, I'm thinking about writing songs about ghosts and monsters,' she said 'does this mean you'll stop singing about your ex? Then I fully support your decision.'")
Dakota Moon (not available)
Bacon & Beer (more whining)
Yuletide Lads
Empty House
Math
Oh, The Places
Nuthin' For Christmas
Pirate Song
King of Nebraska (There's also a more acoustical version of King of Nebraska on the Age of Steam album... it's the 9. ? bonus song. Which is good, because I find the video game noises in the original recording of King of Nebraska to be a little disconcerting.)

Anyway, those are the songs he performed.



Here's a little sample video that I did with my phone. I think it's sideways, or at least it was on my Facebook page, so I dunno about here... if so, I'm sorry. It's my favorite song by Jonah, The Window Frames.

As a side note, Elizabeth Brooks, who is editing the m/m zombie antho which will frontline my story "W.O.L.", is in the process of making a book trailer for He Loves Me for My Braaaaaaaaaaains, and will be featuring "When the Dead Crawl from the Earth Alive" as background music for the video. So there's that, which is exceptionally cool. I'll let you know as soon as that's available...

And just because I'm feeling generous... if you comment on this blog post, I'll give you a copy of Jonah's Creepy Christmas Album. Please comment by Dec 15th, so I have time to mail you your copy before Christmas.

And, bonus, if you send me an email at lynntownsend (dot) writer (at) gmail (dot) com that includes your snail mail address - I fully promise that I don't bite or stalk people, and I will send you a Creepy Christmas Christmas card. (limit 15)

Happy Holidays, y'all.

My Brief Life as a Folk Music Groupie

Don't forget, it's the 2nd Day of XXXmas... and today Alison Tyler has some fantastic smutty prizes for you. Go check it out...

(Do you know what this means? Because I want to remind you all of the fabulous advent calendar that Victoria Blisse has put together, I may well write a blog post every day this month... holy shit! Merry Christmas!)

So... as usual, it began with a joke.

Like I said yesterday, I had a Christmas Party, and Jonah Knight came to sing at my party. He has a wonderful album just recently out; Creepy Christmas...

But about a week ago, the husband said "Ask Jonah if he needs anything to perform, extension cords, crash space, groupies, etc."

And I did just that. Including asking if I needed to provide groupies...

So yes, electrical sockets, groupies, and a place to sleep. My wife would prefer that the groupies and I do not sleep in the same place :) 

The husband and I batted that around for a while. I'm probably the only one of our friends with a tendency toward groupie-ness... but we were making dirty jokes, as we are wont to do, and cracking ourselves up. Eventually the husband suggested that we take a groupie-style picture and mail it to Jonah's wife.

Being myself, I couldn't help but make the suggestion to Jonah. I was astonished, however, when he agreed. Which is how we ended up ushering every adult female guest at my party into the bedroom and taking a picture.

Seriously, my bed has never gotten this much action!

On the first Day of Christmas....

My true love gave to me...

A Creepy Concert and a house party.

So, you know, I'm awesome.

This is Jonah Knight, and he's going to be playing Creepy Christmas songs at my party today. How freaking awesome is that?

But! It just wouldn't be a party without presents, right? Well, I won't be giving out my presents until the 8th, but you can get presents from someone else.

The completely more awesome than me, Victoria Blisse, is doing a Smutters Advent Calendar. You can go every day and enter for chances to win gift cards, free e-books, free dead-tree books, and the grand prize...

So, go see it, and stuff. Don't worry, I'll try to remind you to visit every day, either here or on Facebook, or both. Probably both.

In the meanwhile, here's my Christmas wreath. I cannot tell you how it fills me with joy. Probably because I'm afraid it's going to eat my face.

Contest!

So, I got my magazines in last night; they are quite lovely. To buy a copy - you can get it for your iPad or other e-Readers - go here. Currently, they're on SALE! so this is a good time to pick up one for yourself.

Or, if you'd like, you can win a copy! Just go to my Facebook page and comment on the photo of the magazines. I'll draw one lucky winner on Nov 1st.

Contestia!

Ok...

First, I am all moved.

Yay, writer in the House! For Shizzle.

Whatever that means.

So... maybe I'll actually be around here more often and making with the writing. I have a few short-shorts due July 15th, a novella in the works, and part 3 of London Steam that I'm working on.

(in various loose interpretations of the word "work" because I am all kinds of not-capable of multi-tasking... also, I am all kinds of not-capable of letting other people do work when I am not working. It's one of those things... if the Husband is cleaning, I have to stop what I'm doing and clean TOO, even if I've been cleaning all day and I just want to relax. I have actually gotten to my feet to help him clean when I'm about two seconds away from bursting into tears from exhaustion.... I feel inordinately GUILTY when someone is doing something that I consider "my job" and cleaning and packing and moving are all parts of my job description... which is probably why we haven't moved in eight years...)

We still have one more big thing to do with the house. We're getting hardwood floors installed, and they did the Great Room last week before we moved in, but because our timeline was so tight, they weren't able to get it all done before we moved. So the office - where I am now typing to you from - wasn't fixed. The wood is in my closet, "acclimating..." and they'll bring in a few more crates of that on Friday to acclimate over the weekend. But it does mean I have to move my desk AGAIN and my computer stuff AGAIN to get out of the way while they replace the hideous white carpet.

Then there are about 400 million smaller projects, including all the UNpacking... and I have a bet with my dad that I can be "completely unpacked" by June 23rd. (Don't ask. My father and I are physically incapable of not pissing each other off if we're in the same room for more than 3 days... and he was here all week helping. And I appreciate the help. And at the same time... )

So, I'll be off-line again for Monday - Wednesday or so, which they install floor.

Ok... Now! Contest... what you're all actually interested in, I expect...

I have a "gift box" for one lucky reader; it includes a copy of Lustfully Ever After, a copy of Steamlust, an e-copy of Blister Effect (officially released next week, so this contest will run til a week past its release date!), an e-copy of Shifting Steam, The Age of Steam CD from my friend Jonah Knight (either a music download, or I can get the actual physical CD if you still do that sort of thing!) and a poster from last year's Ladies of Steampunk calendar; the Absinthe Fairy. (Link shows you the picture, I have it as a small poster...) Both physical books will be signed to a person of your choice, and if you want the physical CD, I'm almost positive I can get Jonah to sign it for you. He's nice like that. Also, weird. But nice.

So, here's the deets: comment below for one entry. That's it. No need to buy anything or retweet or whatever... if you DO retweet or facebook link or any of that fun stuff, I will add one extra entry for each "social media" thing you do, just LET ME KNOW that you've done so in the comments below, because I am social media inept sometimes and I might not see it. My twitter handle is @tisfan and Lynn Townsend is me on Facebook, so include appropriate linkage!

Blister Effect is released on May 23rd, and so I will run this contest til May 31st.

Have at!

A post of absolutely no substance whatsoever

Hi!

I'm still in the process of moving. God. The new new revised plan is to close on Wednesday. My tiny little apartment is filled with boxes and I am filled with crazy.

Tomorrow is my birthday, just so you know. 40 years of the world having to put up with me, and me having to put up with the world.

I spent Friday night in the E.R. And for once, it was me doing the sitting around and waiting. Usually it's me doing the writhing around on the cot. So, that was a new experience. And I have to say, ER chairs are hella uncomfortable. More so at 2am than other times. (Don't worry, everyone's fine. The husband has kidney stones, which he might debate as "not fine" but it's not life-threatening... just unpleasant.)

I have 2 stories coming out this month; Lustfully Ever After, which contains my short story, Garden Variety.

Some ARC review excerpts:

"... and Lynn Townsend’s “Garden Variety,” in which an urban gardener’s beanstalk finds a most unorthodox way to repay her ministrations." - Publisher's Weekly

"Townsend's take on Jack and the Beanstalk is creative and erotic..." - Laurie Gold

So, you know, there's that.

Lustfully Ever After is currently available on Amazon, even tho it's not technically released until the 15th, but hey... We don't mind.

And then The Blister Effect will be out through Torquere toward the end of the month; that will be available as an eBook only. (also, for those of you who don't pay attention, that's a sequel to Shadow of Kenfig, released as part of Shifting Steam last October. Also, it's m/m, so if that's not your thing, you're warned.)

And I updated the look of my author page on Facebook. If you don't follow me there, you should. I'm much more likely to say stuff on Facebook because I am hella lazy these days.

But, keep your eyes out. Once I get my copies of Lustfully Ever After, I'll be doing another promo contest, and I have some nice stuff; a CD, 2 books, and a few other spiffs.