Wednesday Writer's Calls

I want to take a few minutes to point all my fellow erotica writers in the direction of House of Erotica.


SUBMISSION GUIDELINES

House Of Erotica works on a simple 50/50 revenue share basis with its authors. You supply the stories we do all the rest, from covers, to eBook creation, then global sales and distribution across all platforms. Also unlike many erotic eBook publishers we do all the work in-house using our own people, and also go direct to all major retailers and platforms, therefore you get a straight cut of the income, not a cut of a cut ! We also report monthly and pay monthly.

We are currently accepting submission - contact us via email for full submission information, but we are looking for the following -

House of Erotica are happy to accept submissions across a wide variety of themes within the erotic writing genre, including:

Erotica
Gay
Lesbian
Multiple Partners
BDSM
Interracial
Paranormal
Vampires / Werewolves
Historical
Science Fiction

You may have your own specialty category, and we are always looking to expand our range with interesting new genre additions. However, we are currently unable to expect the most extreme taboos within erotic writing, and therefore will decline:

Incest
Underage Sex
Rape
Necrophilia
Bestiality
Scat

We look for short stories, novellas and full novels, and are able to work with a very wide range of length of content.

Short stories must be more than 3,500 words, and are most likely to be published in a genre collection of 5 to 10 stories from multiple authors.

Novellas are generally 15,000 to 30,000 words and are usually published either individually or in small collections of 2 or 3, either as single-author or multiple author collections.

Full novels (50,000 words plus) are published individually.

Author Guest Post: Nicolette Grey

Allow me to introduce Nicolette Grey... she's one of my Facebook friends who's been so gracious as to come here and talk to you all today...

What are your greatest challenges in your writing career? 

Promotion, definitely. It’s hard enough to give people your work and let them critique; self-promotion takes nagging to a whole new level. That said, I now have a website, facebook page and email (nicolettegreybooks at yahoo dot com). So I’m trying!

When did you find out that you wanted to be a writer? What inspired you to put pen to paper? 

I’ve always wanted to write – I just had a temporary (47 years) case of writer’s block! Then the economy fell apart, work slowed down, and I found myself with a lot of extra time on my hands. I figured why not? I sat down at the computer and began a middle-grade story about mermaids and never stopped. It seems that all those years of not writing had served as a catch basin for my imagination. Now, I’m never at a loss for a new story – there are millions of them brewing in my head, just waiting for their turn to hit the paper.

Of your published works, do you have a favorite? Why? 

There’s a story I wrote under the name of my alter-ego, called “Tonic Immobility”. The main character is based loosely upon my son (who’s a marine biologist). It’s about a recent college graduate and his associates who work as tank divers in an aquarium and their instant repore with a kid who is watching the show. Of course, there’s tension and tragedy and even a slight love story in the 5,000 word piece. It won a semi-finalist place in a literary competition for short stories last year and was supposed to have been published. I’m still waiting for my author’s copies!

In my “to be published” works, THE GODDESS OF BLACKWATER POND holds a special place in my heart. It’s not my first full-length novel, but it’s the first that I feel is good. I spent so much time weaving the story that I’d almost become my characters by the time I deemed it “done”- and, no, I’m not a serial killer. I must have re-written that book at least five times, tweaking things here and there and adding/ deleting/ adding back the sex and violence! You can’t believe how many agents found this piece of work “distasteful”. I wasn’t writing it to be tasteful, I was writing a suspenseful love story! Anyway, I’m glad it found a home with Hot Ink Press. I couldn’t give up on it no matter how much it bends the rules of societal niceties!

What are your biggest pet peeves for other people's grammar? Are there any mistakes that you find yourself making regularly?

I hate adverbs. The letters L and Y, when used together too often, jar me. It’s one of the first big mistakes I made when I was learning the art of writing and a big no-no as far as legitimate publishers are concerned. That and dialog punctuation. When I began writing 3 ½ years ago, it had been so long since I’d taken an English course that I’d completely forgotten all the rules. And then there’s when to use ‘s versus s - its and it’s, in particular. Seems like a simple thing to get a grasp on because it’s easy to pick up the mistake when others make it…but I’m constantly surprised by how many times I do the same thing, myself.

Do you ever want to go back and edit an older story? 

All the time. I’ve found that my best work comes after I shelve a completed story and then pull it out a month or so later. The problem is, I can never wait that long. I’ve submitted many many stories that were rejected - only to completely rework them before submitting them again to a different publication.

Also, there have been a few that I wrote for competitions with word restrictions. Once they were rejected and the word limit was a moot point, I went back and fleshed them out. It’s much harder for me to write flash fiction than longer length pieces. My optimum? 15-20 k. It gives you long enough to fully develop the story and its characters, but not so long that it gets muddled and confused. That said, I truly enjoy full-length novels, as well…it’s amazing how something that could have been dashed out in 20,000 words deepens and richens with the addition of 60,000 more!

How do you decide on character names? 

I look into names that are/were popular for the time period, or ones that are appropriate for the character’s persona. In GODDESS, my heroine is named Selene (for the Goddess of the moon). It’s imperative to the plot that she shares her name with a deity, just as her lover, Odin, is named for the leader of the Norse Gods.

Tell me about your first publication. Who was it with? How did you feel when you got that acceptance? 

My first publication came early last summer. It’s a story that was placed in a themed anthology that was based on a timeline of 200 years. My piece was written about a dancer in the twenties and was accepted along with 22 others. I almost couldn’t believe it when I got the editor’s email, then, a month later I got my second acceptance and two days after that, my third. 2012 was a breakthrough year for me. And then I started writing erotic romance and the floodgates broke wide open!

What's the worst thing that ever happened to you that you've incorporated into a story?

A date rape when I was in college. Bear in mind, when I was in school, the term didn’t exist, so I had no way to deal with the emotional upheaval that it wreaked. In fact, I shoved it from my consciousness for many years - until I began writing and it came up again. I wrote an entire novel (now gathering dust in my closet) based upon that one event, with the perpetrator and myself thinly disguised within a work of “fiction”.

How much of your life and the people you know end up in your work? 

A ton of it. Many of my characters bear a significant similarity to people I’m close to, whether they can see it or not. The story “Time and a Half…Plus Benefits” comes directly from dealings at work and the settings for GODDESS, “Windswept Beach” and “Moving Violations” are all places where I’ve spent a good amount of time. I constantly use phrases and stories that I hear on the job or from friends, and often just a couple of words that someone mentions in passing can spark an entire story, which is where I got the ideas for my shorts “Youth Day” and “Tonic Immobility”.

What projects are you currently working on? Are you willing to share a small excerpt from a work in progress? 

My current work in progress is an erotic romance/suspense story set in the early 70’s. It revolves around a college senior and a graduate student who find their roommates missing after visiting a commune in Vermont. Teeming up, they head north to search for clues to the abrupt disappearances only to find themselves pulled into the hippie lifestyle. It has all the usual ingredients…tension, angst and sex, sex, sex!      I added the clip at the end.

What's your writing routine?

On the weekdays, I get up at four in the morning and write until six or six-thirty before work. On the weekends, I usually try to get a full eight – twelve hours in, beginning at four or five and ending in the mid- late afternoon. Often, I write in the middle of the night, as well. Evening is my least favorite time to write…I’m tired from work and my mind needs a break!

Is there a character or story that's stuck in your head and won't leave, from either your work or someone else's? 

There’s one that I’m 40,000 words into that I’d shelved for a while because I was having difficulty with the timeframe. It’s sci/fi but not hardcore – very character and plot driven. Actually, it might work well as a YA for CH&BB if I ever get it finished! Leaving it on hold has been bugging me for a while, especially because I’m so far into it. But I see it as a Trilogy, so it’s kind of daunting.

What writers or novels do you consider “must reads”? 

Ayn Rand. THE FOUNTAINHEAD, and ATLAS SHRUGGED, Hemingway, Susan Minot, Ann Patchett…I don’t know, the list is too long to cull it down to just a few! Until I began to write I was an avid reader. Now, I don’t have as much time to devote to my former favorite pastime. Perhaps this summer. I’ve got a whole list of things earmarked for my Kindle, mostly stuff from my new genre. It’s kind of strange to be writing erotic romance when I’d never read any of it before a couple of months ago!

Tell us three things about you that are interesting.

I’ve managed to stay married for 25 years when that’s pretty unheard of these days.

I work in an industry that’s usually considered a man’s occupation.

And…I’m the girl next door who writes explicit sex in her spare time – I think that’s the thing the  people I know would find the most interesting about me! If they knew it, that is!

Excerpt from Gone 



“Jonah and I are going up to Vermont this weekend,” Bethany announced two weeks later. “Do you want to come?”

Susannah shook her head. She knew the invitation was extended only out of her roommate’s sense of duty. Jonah, a Harvard graduate and first year’s Masters Candidate at MIT, was a new relationship - and new relationships, for Bethany, meant sex. Lots of sex.

“I have a paper due on Monday,” she lied. “I should probably stick close to the library.”

“Suit yourself, but don’t say I didn’t ask.” Bethany rounded up her shampoo and soap box, frowning as she searched through a heap of clothes for a towel. “I hope there’s still enough hot water left for a shower.”

“Where are y’all going, anyway? Skiing at Smuggler’s Notch?”

Bethany started through the hamper, found a likely candidate, and sniffed it, grimacing. “Not this time. Jonah and I met this chick and her old man at the Dylan show last week. He turned us on to a commune upstate where they hang out. We’re going to stay with them for the weekend.”

“Hippies?” Susannah tried but failed to keep the disapproval from her voice. The only hippies she knew were dropout friends of her older brother. Most of them were alcoholics or junkies - and all of them smelled bad.

Bethany laughed. “More likely hippy want-a-be’s. The dude looked too preppy to have authentic hippy friends.”

“If you’re not skiing, what will you do all weekend?” It was a loaded question. Susannah flushed, regretting it the moment the words left her mouth.

Her roommate laughed and raised her brows suggestively. “Drink, smoke, and screw our brains out, probably. It’s a commune, Susie – what do you think?”

Susannah’s cheeks burned as she shook her head. “If it’s a real commune, you’ll probably be working. That’s what people who live in communes do, don’t they? Work for the common good?”

“Unless it’s a cult - then we’ll be worshipping.”

“Or the Manson Family…then you’ll be dead.”

“The Manson crazies are locked up tight. Besides, we’re talking Vermont here, not California.” Bethany found a second towel at the bottom of the pile and held it to her nose. Apparently, it passed muster because she threw it over her shoulder and headed for the door. “As far as prayer and work are concerned, no way. The only thing I plan on worshipping is Jonah’s holier than holy you-know-what. And the only things he’ll be working are these.”

Susannah’s composure eroded completely as Beth turned and flashed her tits. Her body was perfect and she knew it. “It’s not like I’m a prude,” she protested as the door swung shut. “I was screwing Stanley on a daily basis until I caught him with Julie Brown!”

There was no one there to dispute it. Bethany was gone.

Shrugging off her coat, she fought the urge for a Lucky Strike as she wrapped her shoulders in a brown army surplus blanket and claimed the coveted position on top of the belching radiator. She wasn’t prudish at all, she told herself as she opened up her book. Unlike Bethany, who’d screw anything in pants, she was merely selective.

Knights and Kilts

Hot Highlanders and Wild Knights
Editor: Delilah Devlin
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: June 1, 2013

HOT HIGHLANDERS AND WILD KNIGHTS is open to all authors.

Editor/Author Delilah Devlin is looking for historically-themed stories—of knights and men in kilts—for a romantic erotica anthology tentatively entitled HOT HIGHLANDERS AND WILD KNIGHTS: Erotic Romance for Women.

Let your fantasies run wild to a time where men wearing heavy armor or thick tartans sent a spirited young maiden’s (or salty widow’s) heart fluttering. Imagine a primitive, simpler time where survival required physical strength and men were judged for their fierce loyalty and unshakeable honor.

Don’t feel you have to restrict your imaginings to European “knights” (Crusaders, Highlanders, Normans & Saxons, or tournament fighters)—dream about Vikings, Huns, Persians...or maybe a Samurai. A few time-travel stories may be considered as well.

Delilah will be looking for stories rich in sensory detail that explore women’s forbidden desires. A knight serving a conquering king enters a keep, his armor tarnished and smeared with dirt and blood. He scans the great hall until his gaze snags on a woman whose frightened face is nonetheless set into stubborn lines as she meets his piercing gaze... Imagine what happens next...

HOT HIGHLANDERS AND WILD KNIGHTS will seek stories to satisfy the reader who craves the romantic idea of that hard but questing man while exploring stories set in the Dark Ages. While most will likely take place in Europe, Ireland and Britain,  more exotic international settings will be considered. Traditional themes/tropes can be used, but writers are encouraged to create tales that surprise. Delilah seeks unique stories from authors with strong voices, and above all, she’s looking to be seduced by tales filled with vivid imagery and passion.

Published authors with an established historical world may use that setting for their original short story.

Keeping in mind that this volume is targeted at women, the editor seeks mainly hetero stories, but will consider bisexual or lesbian encounters and polyamorous relationships. This is erotic romance, so don’t hold back on the heat. Stories can be vanilla or filled with kink, but don’t miss describing the connection between strong-willed individuals learning to trust and love one another. Keep in mind there must be a romantic element with a happy-for-now or happy-ever-after ending. Strong plots, engaging characters, and unique twists are the ultimate goal. Please no reprints. These must be original stories.

How to submit: Prepare your 2,000 to 4,500 words story in a double-spaced, Arial, 12 point, black font Word document with pages numbered (.doc, NOT.docx) OR rich text format. Indent the first line of each paragraph half an inch and double space (regular double spacing, do not add extra lines between paragraphs or do any other irregular spacing). US grammar (double quotation marks around dialogue, etc.) is required.

In your document at the top left of the page, include your legal name (and pseudonym, if applicable), mailing address, and 50 words or less bio in the third person, and send to hothighlanderswildknights@gmail.com. If you are using a pseudonym, please provide your real name and pseudonym and make it clear which one you’d like to be credited as. Authors may submit up to 2 stories. Delilah hopes to respond with decisions in October 2013. The publisher has final approval over the stories included in the manuscript.

Payment will be $50.00 USD and two copies of the published book upon publication. Contributors retain the rights to their work, although the editor requests the courtesy of authors not republishing their work until at least 6 months after the publication of this anthology.

Ms. Devlin has published over a hundred twenty stories in multiple sub-genres and lengths with Atria/Strebor, Avon, Berkley, Black Lace, Cleis Press, Ellora’s Cave, Kensington, Kindle, Montlake Romance, Running Press, and Samhain Publishing. In Fall 2011, she debuted her first anthology with Cleis Press, GIRLS WHO BITE. Since then, she has published SHE SHIFTERS and COWBOY LUST. SMOKIN’ HOT FIREFIGHTERS and SEX OBJECTS  release in summer 2013.

Direct any questions you have regarding your story or the submission process to Delilah at hothighlanderswildknights@gmail.com.

Guest Post, Elizabeth L. Brooks

What are your biggest pet peeves for other people's grammar? Are there any mistakes that you find yourself making regularly?

The one that makes me want to get up and leave the room when I hear it is a contraction I've only really heard in the last few years, in which people leave "to be" out of verb clauses. For instance: "The
dishes need washed," instead of "the dishes need to be washed." It actually gives me the shudders. If the extra two words are really that much extra effort, you can get away with the gerund: "The dishes need
washing."

My own besetting grammatical sin is commas. I'm terrible with them. I leave them out when they should be there, or put them in where they're superfluous. Even knowing that I do this doesn't help; I'll second-guess myself, and then end up getting it wrong on the few occasions I would've gotten it right to start with.

Do you ever want to go back and edit an older story?

GOD, yes, all the time. I try not to even look at older stories sometimes, because I know I'm going to find things that need to be
fixed, and not be allowed to do so, and it's painful.


How much of your life and the people you know end up in your work?

I think it's impossible to avoid injecting some amount of one's own
experience into writing. Even when I'm trying to imagine something
completely new to me -- the telepathic connection that occurs in the
"One Mind" books, for instance, or the experience of shape-changing in "What You Are" -- I'm pulling on my experiences of things I've done or read or felt that might be similar, to enable me to describe what I can only imagine.

That said, I do try to avoid being too obvious about it. I'll extract
a particular feeling, or a gesture, or (rarely) a few particularly well-chosen words. I try to avoid doing more than that, because I wouldn't want my friends or romantic partners (past or present) to recognize themselves in a scene I've written and wonder: is that really how I acted? does that mean the other character in the scene
represents her? is this really how she saw that event? is this how she sees our relationship?

I do have to admit one exception: Jesse Summers, from "Assumption of Desire", is in fact based on a real person, an adorable twink that I met at a GLBT Pride event. He helped me and some other editor/authors
break down our tents and tables and schlepp everything back to our cars at the end of the event, and in payment, I offered to write him into my next story. I make no claims that the character Jesse's
personality is anything like the real Jesse's, but physically, he's an exact copy.

Is there a character or story that's stuck in your head and won't leave, from either your work or someone else's?

Oh, yes. Dawn moved into my head some eleven years ago (his initial appearance was almost *exactly* eleven years ago, actually), and he hasn't left since, despite going through several incarnations in the meantime. I thought publishing "Safe Harbor" would exorcise him, but it's only made him dig in deeper.

What projects are you currently working on? Are you willing to share a small excerpt from a work in progress?

My most promising project, at the moment, is the one I'm working on
with you, actually. For your readers who may not have been paying
attention: we're each writing a short-short (1000 words or less,
usually) each week, generally in response to some generously donated
prompt words.  I post excerpts fairly regularly on my blog, but here's one just for you and your readers:

What was taking him so long?

Finally, she heard his tread on the stairs. “Babe?”

“Second thoughts, already?” He wasn't even in the room yet, but she could hear the amusement in his voice.

“I just want to know what you have in mind.”

He appeared, sat next to her on the bed. He combed his fingers through her hair, spreading it out around her. “You remember your words?”

“Of course.” She'd chosen them herself, and he'd repeated them four times, as he'd fastened each of the restraints at her wrists and ankles.

He stroked her face, traced the line of her throat, outlined her collarbones. “Are you using them?”

She hesitated. His fingers felt good on her skin... “No. I just want to know.”

He smiled, kissed her lightly. “Then no.”

As a note: Elizabeth is running a contest to win an adorable tentacled minor god of your very own. Go to her blog and leave a comment, or her Facebook page and tell her what color octopus you want.

This one is mine. You can't have it!

Write Call Wednesday, Extended Deadline

COWBOY HEAT
Editor: Delilah Devlin
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: March 22, 2013

COWBOY HEAT is open to all authors.

Editor/Author Delilah Devlin is looking for hetero cowboy stories for a romantic erotica anthology tentatively entitled COWBOY HEAT.

Following the success of COWBOY LUST, Delilah’s ready to construct the next delectable anthology of cowboy heroes. They may ride into the sunset, but cowboys never go out of style. They embody the fiercely independent, earthy alpha male and a hero who isn’t afraid to show the gentle, nurturing side of his complex nature when he’s faced with a woman or an animal in need.

Even when he’s coated with dust from riding behind a herd of cattle, or up to his knees in mud freeing a calf from a wallow, his image doesn’t tarnish. A woman’s imagination sparks, filling in the details—the scent of horse, cow, and crisp, clean sweat; the sight of sun-leathered skin and crows feet; the feel of work-hardened thighs and arms; and the sound of a deep-voiced, drawl.

COWBOY HEAT will seek stories that satisfy the reader who craves the romantic idea of that gruff, capable man while exploring stories set in the American West with a few exotic International settings thrown in for fun! The stories will be primarily contemporary with the possibility of a few historical Westerns. While traditional themes will be featured, writers are encouraged to dream big to create tales that surprise.

Be sure to check the descriptions of stories already featured in the previous volume, COWBOY LUST . Delilah doesn’t want repeats. She’s seeking unique stories from authors with unique voices, and above all, she’s looking to be seduced by tales filled with vivid imagery and passion.

Published authors with an established Western world may use that setting for their original short story.

This is erotic romance, so don’t hold back on the heat. Stories can be vanilla or filled with kink, but don’t miss describing the connection between two strong-willed individuals learning to trust and love one another. A deep sensuality should linger in every word. And just think about the sexy possibilities of a cowboy’s accoutrements. They have to know their wicked way around ropes, buckles and spurs. Not to mention how sexy one might look in just his chaps...

Exotic locations and scenarios are welcome. Keep in mind there must be a romantic element with a happy-for-now or happy-ever-after ending. Strong plots, engaging characters, and unique twists are the ultimate goal. Please no reprints. We are seeking original stories.

How to submit: Prepare your 1,500 to 4,500 words story in a double-spaced, Arial, 12 point, black font Word document with pages numbered (.doc, NOT.docx) OR rich text format. Indent the first line of each paragraph half an inch and double space (regular double spacing, do not add extra lines between paragraphs or do any other irregular spacing). US grammar (double quotation marks around dialogue, etc.) is required.

In your document at the top left of the page, include your legal name (and pseudonym, if applicable), mailing address, and 50 words or less bio in the third person and send to cleiscowboyheat@gmail.com. If you are using a pseudonym, please provide your real name and pseudonym and make it clear which one you’d like to be credited as. Authors may submit up to 2 stories. Delilah will respond in July 2013. The publisher has final approval over the stories included in the manuscript.

Payment will be $50.00 USD and two copies of the published book upon publication.

Delilah Devlin is an award-winning author of erotic romance with a rapidly expanding reputation for writing edgy stories with complex characters. Ms. Devlin has published over a hundred stories in multiple sub-genres and lengths with Atria/Strebor, Avon, Berkley, Black Lace, Cleis Press, Ellora’s Cave, Kensington, Kindle, Running Press, and Samhain Publishing. In January 2013, she’ll add Montlake Romance to her list of publishers when SHATTERED SOULS releases! In Fall 2011, she debuted her first anthology with Cleis Press, GIRLS WHO BITE. Since then, she has published SHE SHIFTERS and COWBOY LUST. In July 2013, SMOKIN’ HOT FIREFIGHTERS will release.

Direct any questions you have regarding your story or the submission process to Delilah at cleiscowboyheat@gmail.com.

I Miss My Day Job

I've been a published writer for almost 2 years now.

I've learned a lot of things about myself, about my talent, about the publishing industry. I've worked with editors that I love a lot, and editors I love less.

Sometimes the problem is, when dreams come true, you discover that what's on this side of the fence isn't the same as what it was when you saw it over there.

When I worked in the theater, so many years ago, I learned how to use stage settings and light color to set the mood for a given piece. That the audience would respond to subtle cues. Over sized furniture could by used to make people feel child-like with wonder, or terrified of being powerless. I learned how music composers used certain instruments to stir certain feelings.

I couldn't relax at all, while watching Dolores Claiborne. Not because it was a stressful movie (altho it was) but because the lighting kept changing to indicate "past and clean and pure" versus "now, cold and real and tragic." The Blue Movie, I called it. They went a little overboard on the lighting changes. Not suBtle.

My husband is a big fan of behind the scenes specials.

I can't look at Galadriel without seeing the Christmas lights that they wrapped on a stick and hung over her to give her that "other worldly wisdom" look.

I don't know that I ever thought about what would happen after I was published.

And after has been a little weird.

Sometimes I have trouble enjoying reading as much as I used to. I find myself correcting people's grammar. Or getting angry when I notice a favorite author's tendency to describe something (a kiss, a cup of tea, the sensation of waking up in the morning) exactly the same as she did last time, talking about a different set of characters.

Worse is when I notice that self-same tendency in myself. I thought - once upon a time - that when I was published, I wouldn't forget what color a character's eyes were. A particularly famous writer that I am fond of had a main character whose eyes were described at different times as being blue, green, and brown.

And I won't tell you what I did, in case you missed it, but I pulled one of those recently. And it's in print, where I can't fix it.

Sometimes it's hard, being "out there." Where your mistakes and screwups and bad writing and cheating plotlines and lame endings are out there for everyone to see. And you wonder sometimes if anyone at all actually sees them.

Sometimes I miss my day job. Where I was given clear goals, a yearly evaluation, and mostly just bided my time, waiting for Friday. Where no one really cared about what I did. Or doubted it. Never once, when I worked in Research and Development for insurance products, did anyone ever say, "No, really?" or accuse me of having low morals, or tell me "oh, yeah, anyone can do that." If people thought about my job at all, it was to say "oh, that's nice..." and not cast aspersions on my character, insult my talent, and assume that what I do is easy and makes me rich.

(If my mother doesn't stop asking me when I'm going to make enough money to support her in the lifestyle to which she'd like to become accustomed... Do you have any idea how MANY writers there are out there? And how very, very few of them you've ever actually heard of...)

Yes, I really write. Yes, most of the time I like it. No, I'm not rich and no I won't introduce you to my editor, my agent, or my publisher. No, it's not easy. Yes, it's a lot of work. And if you think "anyone" can write that kind of "junk," how is it that I've never seen your book on the shelf?

Hi. My name is Lynn. I'm an insurance adjuster.

Snippet

Seriously, I have a problem.

I've mentioned, I'm sure, that Elizabeth L. Brooks (the fabulous editor of He Loves me for my Brainsss!) and I are working on a collection of short-short stories.

When we originally discussed the idea, we were thinking of maybe 40 stories in the sub 1,000 word length.

(You, over there in the third row? I hear you laughing. Shut up. Seriously. Shut it.)

Thus far, I've written nine stories for the project.

They are:

After the Party - 1,016
Two Tents* - 933
Mouse Games* - 1,355
Away Games - 370
Home Inspection - 1,064
On the Job Training - 1,679
Dinner Service* - 811
Steal Not a Moment - 1,466
Surrender - 1,108

The stories with * asterisks next to them mean that the story isn't really complete. At least with Two Tents, I've got another two parts of similar length to go before I consider the story complete. Dinner Service has another two parts, Drink Service and Kitchen Service, ditto on them being the same length. Ish. I really want to steal Home Inspection, write another 1,500 words or so, and submit it for a collection. Also, Surrender isn't quite done yet either. I dunno about that one, I think I need to go back and fix some of it.

Even though I've managed to cut down my writer's bloat a bit (did I mention that my first novel, which is currently in content edits) was over 190,000 words as a first draft? My second novel, which is currently being read/reviewed for publication, is only 80,000... ) I'm still fighting a LOT with the short-short.

That being said, I really like some of these stories a lot, and I think the exercise is good for me. I might not be the short-short queen or anything, but at least in the process of working on this collection, I will get better. And that's all anyone can ask, right?

Here's a sample from On the Job Training...

“I'm Noel,” she said. 

A thousand puns and jokes leapt immediately to mind, and he bit down on all of them. It was unlikely that he could make a fresh one, and no one ever appreciated those sorts of things anyway. “It's a pleasure to meet you.” That was safe enough.

Noel raised an eyebrow. “Very good. I admire your restraint. You said, earlier... it was 'mostly.' Now, adorable as my shoes are, I have to say that if you're after a cheap one-night stand, please go elsewhere. You seem interesting enough, and I'm certainly not adverse, but I have strict requirements, and I'd rather you not waste your money if you're not qualified for the position.”

“Lucid's not cheap,” Danny chipped in from over his shoulder. “So it would be an expensive one night stand.”

“Not helping me here, bro,” Chandler muttered.

Noel laughed. It wasn't a titter, a giggle, or one of those fake chortles that he was used to hearing from women in bars. It was an absolutely delighted guffaw, full on belly-laugh that shook her whole body in delightful ways and was infectious. He couldn't help answering it. He blushed, embarrassed, felt more embarrassed, having blushed, and still couldn't help laughing. 

“Oh, that was wonderful,” she said, blotting carefully at the corners of her eyes with a napkin, leaving small red smudges behind. “What do you think, Danny? Is he worthy?”

Oh, god. He finished the rest of his beer.

“He drinks good beer,” Danny said, “even when his friends aren't here, so he actually likes it. He's not just showing off his hefty paycheck or his fancy palate. He plays darts a few times a month. In fact, I was expecting his crew in tonight. Responsible, too. I've never had to take his keys. And he remembers to tip.”

Chandler stared at the bartender. Really? He'd noticed that much? Suddenly Chandler felt about eight years old, being scolded for forgetting to write a thank you note, or for licking the butter knife, or any of the dozens of faux pas he'd committed in front of his grandmother. He felt the urge, however briefly, to just say never mind, pay for his beer and leave. 

If he did that, though, it was doubtful he'd ever be back. Not after having such a personal witness. Oh, well. He took a deep breath, met her cool, curious gaze. If he was going down, it'd be spectacular, and in flames.